TMQ watch: January 22, 2013.

We were busy most of the morning, all afternoon, and on into the evening. But hey! Today is still Tuesday, and we all know what that means! Girl Scout cookies!

(munches another Caramel deLite)

Damn, these are good.

(has another)

(puts up the rest of the box before we eat our way through it)

Oh, yeah, we also have this week’s TMQ to deal with after the jump…

Forget players, tactics and strategy. What the world really wants to know is — did [the Harbaugh brothers] argue in their PJs over games of electric vibrating football? Blame each other for windows broken with baseballs? Was one grounded more than the other? Did one ever try to steal the other’s girl?

No, Gregg, the world does not want to know that. We have heard absolutely nobody express curiosity about the Harbaugh brothers and their childhoods. Perhaps the nattering nabobs of sports journalism will get around to this question sometime during the lead up to the game, but we know of nobody outside that profession that cares. Heck, at this point, we don’t care about the game period.

…right about now wouldn’t you like to be the person who handles Joe Flacco’s endorsement deals?

Yes, Gregg. Our childhood dream was to be the person who handles Joe Flacco’s endorsement deals. We fell asleep at night dreaming about getting Joe Flacco a big contract to endorse Buicks.

(Isn’t “the person who handles Joe Flacco’s endorsement deals” also known as…an agent?)

This year’s TMQ Challenge: “Create a visual — pictures, animation, video — on any Tuesday Morning Quarterback running theme.” We’d suggest doing one on the TMQ running theme, “Movies are excessively violent and unrealistic”, but Quentin Tarantino already did that (and, at three hours long, it is still more entertaining than the average TMQ column).

(Edited to add 1/23: We swear when we looked this up last night in IMDB, it said the runtime was 180 minutes. Now it says 165 minutes. Okay. So 2 hours 45 minutes. It just feels like 3 hours.)

Sweet: Baltimore. Sour: New England. Mixed: Atlanta – San Francisco.

Oh my gosh, rich people are buying residences in fancy hotels!

Baltimore – New England: Baltimore “wanted this game more”, chicken-(salad) kicks, “Belichick won three Super Bowls when he was cheating, and has not won since being caught”, and “Is a fundamental rethinking of tackling rules called for?”

TMQ devotes 1,076 words of this week’s column to arguing that the Notre Dame player who is alleged to have sexually assaulted Elizabeth Seeberg (who later committed suicide) “should stand tall and answer the departed”.

This is a touchy subject. We think it possible that TMQ might be right about this. At the same time, no criminal charges have been filed in this case: “Seeberg told her account to the campus-run Security Police department but never went to local police, which might have started an evidence chain.” As TMQ later points out:

…police proceedings must happen — trial often is avoided by plea bargains — in order first to prove that a crime occurred, second to prove who was responsible. It just can’t be any other way.

And later:

The Notre Dame football player should identify himself and explain his side. This would be excruciatingly difficult, even if he is blameless. Some will never believe anything he says, and rush to condemn him. But announcing his name and saying what he sees as the truth would be the courageous course.

But we have adversarial criminal proceedings in an attempt to find the truth. Both sides are allowed to present evidence. The credibility of both sides can be evaluated. What TMQ wants is for the Notre Dame player to put himself and his reputation on trial in the court of public opinion, when there is no chance to evaluate the credibility of the other side, to satisfy his concept of “courage”.

Rape is a horrible crime, and should be punished, football player or not. What happened to Elizabeth Seeberg is tragic. But TMQ seems to want to bypass the normal course of justice in order to get some kind of closure for Elizabeth Seeberg. Not everything bad that happens to be people is punishable, or can be punished on Earth. Two people know the truth: one is dead, and the account of the other one will be settled on Judgment Day. TMQ believes the living person should stand up and give his side of the story, even though TMQ admits some people will not believe anything he says and will condemn him, and even though there is no chance to fairly evaluate credibility. His argument here does not move us. But:

Before this item returns to that point, this cannot be said enough: Suicide is a preventable cause of death. Studies show that those who survive suicide attempts are in almost every case glad they did. Studies show that simply talking about suicidal thoughts is more effective than might be guessed. And except perhaps as regards the terminally ill, suicide is not a private act: It harms everyone around the departed, regardless of that person’s intent. If you experience suicidal thoughts, ask for help. Asking for help is not shameful, it is admirable.

This bears repeating. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Coaching: the Broncos scapegoated Ron Milus, Doug Marrone may be what the Bills need, “Odds are that in three years the Eagles will hand Kelly a generous severance check” (we doubt the Eagles will fire him in a mere three years), and why don’t coaches go for the two-point conversion?

“Fringe” was a fun show that overstayed its welcome, veering from spooky, to inventive and clever, to absurd. Its finale leaves television painfully short on sci-fi.

Plus, the show is unrealistic! But we did want to highlight this:

Actress Anna Torv, who played Dunham, is a fetching woman.

TMQ, November 8, 2011: “‘Fringe’ is a four-season major-network TV show revolving around a female protagonist with absolutely zero sex appeal.”

Apparently, the “Fringe” scriptwriters aren’t the only people who forget things.

San Francisco – Atlanta: the Falcons beat themselves, why don’t you run the ball, should a team burn a timeout or take a delay of game penalty (“It’s a hard problem.”), and what happens when you try to “use Colin Kaepernick like Alex Smith”.

USC doesn’t care about anything but winning. Let’s take “Last Resort” out of dock so we can kick it around some more.

And that’s a wrap for this week. Tune in next week for TMQ’s “Tuesday Morning Quarterback Non-Quarterback Non-Running Back NFL MVP” award, and whatever we decide to do in the filler week before the Superb Owl.

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